grief is the worst emotion on the planet.

worse than loneliness.

worse than betrayal.

My heart is so heavy and it hurts. I haven't felt this bad about a death since Eddie Guerrero in 2005. When Fidel died in 2006 I cried so much because it was tragic not because I was going to miss him and because he touched me.

The death of MJ is like the death of my childhood and it's so so so painful to deal with. I just want the sadness and heartbreak to stop.

"You've only made 2 friends.
Find Friends and Communities"

"only 2 friends" ? I think it's the quality of the LJ friends you have rather than the quantity LJ people.

p.s. I am extra excited to see Craig's show tonight.

p.p.s. I had a blogger blog and I'm gonna see if I wrote about Darren on there. I'm gonna try to compare my experiences.

I shouldn't have to be punished all the time. 

While exploring some gossip about a high school acquaintance I found out some information that I really wish I could unsee.

The Nassau County Executive Tom Suozzi set up a pretty controversial plan. He decided that if possible death or injury to others and themselves weren't enough of a detterant, he'd release the mugshots and names and hometowns of every DWI arrestee during the Memorial Day weekend. I'm usually zero tolerance on DWI/DUIs so I thought this plan was actually pretty good. Drunk driving has got to be the cheapest, most selfish, and unnecessary law to break and I'd be glad that people who put themselves and others in danger would be humiliated.

...except when it's someone you actually know. I laughed when I saw the girl I knew in high school's mugshot. I laughed when she said that it was unfair and it would damper her chances for a successful job interview. I wonder if I'm clairvoyant or something because as I scrolled through the pictures I started wondering, "what do their friends think when they see your mugshot? How can your family explain this?"

I'm a very dramatic person so I literally gasped like it was my last breath of air when I saw a woman from my church among the 109 mugshots. Something about the whole discovery spooked me. I knew her well. I've known her my whole life. She's always remembered my birthday, she was my sister's friend growing up, she would play with me, she's also hilarious. I hated seeing that picture of her. I'm used to her being made up for church and whatnot. She looked so scary with no makeup, groggy eyes, tired... and drunk. Maybe she wasn't drunk but she sure wasn't sober enough to drive. She's so normal I can't believe she got into a situation like this.

I'm incredibly empathetic so I could just imagine the situation she was in. No doubt her parents shamed her beyond belief. How could she face members of her family again? Since her picture is so public now it's not like SOMEONE wouldn't have seen it. Whether it be some church youth who tells their parents or a gossipy relative. I don't know. This kind of stuff just doesn't happen in our community. (by community I mean South Indians... females in reality-- I know...)

I can't stop thinking about it. It was such a shock to see her face. But I did notice that they spelled her last name wrong. At least when she googles her own name during boredom she won't be constantly reminded of this.

Robbie Williams.

I can't really get into Rudebox but sometimes I'll hear snippets of random songs from it and I'll end up liking that song. I mean, Rudebox is my favorite song but then I heard 1.5 minutes into The Actor and I loved it for a while. Now I like that song he has with Lily Allen -- bongo bong.


Robbie singing in French?

swooooon.